– Not condemned in the Bible, but the Bible shows it’s legitimacy.

✓Isaac – Gen 24:50-54 [v60**, 66]

✓Jacob – Gen 29:16-20 [17-20]

✓David – 1 Samuel 18:17-27

– This shows dowry seemed was paid according to the man’s ability. Abraham, a wealthy man, gave out his wealth while Jacob, in his material poverty,gave his labour.

– Culture and customs reflect different ways of handling different situations. Culture keeps on changing and some people no longer demand dowry. It’s optional with each family. In such cases, the bridegroom can choose to give gifts. Traditionally, dowry was shared among relatives, no longer so.

—Dowry is optional for Christian weddings not a requirement. The Bible only gives stories, but not a command.

–Greed must be avoided: (Luke 12:15-21, Col 3:2,5,6 ; 1 John 2:15-17)

¶When dowry becomes too expensive, then greed sets in – to build houses and buy new car.

¶¶–Dowry should not hinder even the poorest from marrying. Payment continued slowly even beyond marriage.

¶¶– If dowry is paid in the right way and purpose, it brings the two families together.

–Today dowry has changed meaning and has become commercial, including repayment of the girls school fees.

NB: Parents should value Christian character more than material things.

¶¶Parents: Why do you demand for dowry? Why do you value dowry more than character and vision.

–Christian parents can decide not to demand for dowry from a young man they love, respect and trust, rather than create a hardship for him. Getting into debts before marriage is a wrong practice. Frustrating a Young Man is wrong.

–Dowry should be paid according to one’s ability, otherwise it can loose meaning through commercialisation.

—Christian parents should control Dowry Negotiations. The Christian man chosen should not go beyond their wish.

— When non Christians join negotiations, they often create problems. The father should take the upper hand and not relatives. He can forbid beer and set standards.

¶¶Using the basic principle of Gen 24, Rachel Guardians were appreciated voluntarily but nothing was demanded. **After the agreement was reached, the girl was allowed to decide whether to go immediately for marriage or to wait.

NB: Dowry is not selling, but it is for the purpose of talking and having mutual understanding and commitment.

—Dowry payments can continue even after wedding.

—Young men should also not give too little dowry which is an insult, not too much and gets into debts. “Cut the coat according to the size of the cloth”.

–Parents can use a small dowry to save face on the wedding day, by buying a gift for the new couple.

— Traditionally neighbors knew how many goats or cows a family had. Hence. uniformity. Today it’s not possible.

✓✓Relationships between families is what should be stressed more.

A story is told: A young man and his family gave all they had during negotiations. But were told to step outside and look for more from their pockets. They returned and said, “We are Christians and did not lie. We gave all we had.” The girls party in return apologized and accepted what was given.

Other Texts:

“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Hebrews 13:5 NIV